Fear of Clowns

My mom learned to make this dish for my dad; it was one of his childhood favorites as a kid growing up during the Great Depression. My mom is Norwegian and my dad's ancestors migrated to N. Dakota from Odessa around and because of the 1917 Russian Revolution. I suppose the dish is sufficiently bland and simple to please folks of both heritages. My dad calls them "pigs in a blanket" - even though they contain no pork and are wrapped in cabbage, not a blanket. I haven't questioned the moniker until just now. For me as well, pigs in a blanket are a dish I've grown up with and loved just like my dad.

Somehow, cabbage rolls became an ongoing joke between me and my friend Melissa. I've recently read several recipes, none of which noted the rice should be uncooked so I'm glad I decided to have my mom show me how she makes them. She doesn't use a recipe - here's what she showed me as best as I can remember.

Soak the cabbage leaves in boiling water long enough for them to wilt. Mix,

• 1 lb low fat hamburger (95% lean)
• 1 - 1 1/2 cup uncooked white rice
• An egg
• 1/4 - 1/2 cup diced onion
• Salt and pepper
• Allspice

Mom let me mush everything up with my hands, fun! I remarked that allspice seemed odd and I'd be inclined to use fennel. Mom said sometimes she uses different spices and fennel would probably work fine although she'd never tried it.

The rice expands quite a bit as it cooks, so you have to account for that when considering the size of the balls. Use toothpicks to completely wrap the balls in cabbage leaves and place them in a pot.

Pour some sort of tomato stuff over the rolls. I think this time my mom just used a large can of tomato sauce, but you can use any canned tomato product. Tomato paste and diced tomatoes, tomato soup, whatever. Add some water too.

Cover and bake it in a 325°F oven for 2-3 hours, checking occasionally and adding more water if things are drying out.

After dinner went into the oven, I left to exercise at the small gym at my office building. When I returned a little before 6 - my parents' religiously regular eating time - my mom was standing in the garage with her coat on. Amused, I asked what she was doing in the garage.

"Oh, I'm glad you're here, they just took Dad away in an ambulance, I was going to wait for you 'till 6:15 then go myself." Mom still isn't accustomed to the notion that I carry my phone around with me.

Chest pain. We were worried about my dad's heart, he's had a couple heart attacks and has a pacemaker, etc. I do worry about my dad's health and have an annoying generalized anxiety disorder so was pleasantly surprised that I automatically shifted into calm-headed practical dude mode - I went inside and made sure the oven and stove were off and asked my mom about my dad's prescription medicines or anything else he may need. As I like to think I get this absurd practicality from my parents, Mom had already taken care of everything I could think of. Just so there's no misunderstanding I'm still all loose wheeled nut, but am thankful I seem to have a learned capacity for practicality when needed.

As we drove to the hospital, my mom retold what the paramedics had told her, which was enough to convince me it wasn't his heart and I tried to convey that conviction back to my mom. I think I was successful although both of us were obviously concentrating on being more rational than emotional.

This all happened a few days after Christmas and the ambulance was diverted from the closest hospital to the next closest. As we learned over the next few hours, many people are so adverse to seeking medical care on holidays that they decide to wait to feel better. Emergency rooms end up being packed in the days following.

It was a long time before a doctor came to see him and I reassured myself and my mom that this meant we weren't in a life-threatening situation. And by saying, "I reassured my mom," I'm mostly acknowledging my need to talk is greater than hers.

Much later on that night, we learned my dad had passed a gallstone which got stuck in the duct from his pancreas but passed by on its own, very double super bad painful. My dad is really good with pain, it was hard watching him writhe in it.

Dad spent a few days in the hospital until his pancreas stabilized enough to get his gall bladder taken out.

The first day he was home from the hospital he had a great appetite and it ended up he had a favorite meal waiting for him.

// posted by Erik @ 2/05/2010 07:58:00 PM
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